By PT Online
I keep a lot of skeletons in my closet.
My struggles are nothing to be embarrassed about: They are the type of insecurities, questions, and pain that we all know and experience but don’t like to discuss because they are personal. As long as the problems are dealt with and not buried, there’s no need to make them public.
Or at least that’s what I thought.
The more clients I work with, the more I see and understand the internal battles so many of us feel that we must fight on our own: We blame ourselves for our misfortune. And in a time of year when we are all prone to look back and stress about what we did not do, I felt it was important to let you into my world and share a simple reality.
Bad things happen to good people. Frustration is part of life. You are not alone with the questions you think but fear mentioning.
These lessons we tend to learn with age and yet still have trouble accepting. You can do everything in your power to live a good life: work hard, give back, stay healthy, and genuinely leave a good impact.
And yet, despite those intentions, the best laid plans backfire: Sometimes you don’t get the raise, are disrespected by others, can’t lose weight no matter how hard you try, and maybe even your best work doesn’t end up looking the way you imagined.
Life is unpredictable and unfair. It can be cruel and unrelenting and it doesn’t stop to make sure you can handle the ride. But there’s a silver lining that far too many people miss—an opportunity that is oftentimes disguised as a kick in the gut.
Bad things can be the best way to make people better.
The F-It Mentality
I want you to think about using bad for good.
No one in this world has it easy. All too often we see people doing things that we desire—making more money, being happy in their relationships, looking fit and lean seemingly without any effort—and we wish our situation was that great.
It’s the Facebook effect: We see the portrayal of what others want us to see. Facebook is not a negative place. Everyone shows the snapshots of the world they create that makes them look best. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but your narrow view of those snapshots can make you feel your worst.
It doesn’t just happen on social media. It happens everywhere in every day life.
But here’s the problem: We only see what others want us to see. We don’t see their hard times. The struggles. And the internal battles.
And this only grows our frustration because all we see are the hurdles that prevent our own success.
In my popular post on happiness, I shared my approach to living a better life (it\’s all about saying F-IT, but not in the way you might think) and dealing with hard times. I’ve been kicked over and over again—and sometimes I’m stepped on when I’m down.
But if I’ve learned anything it’s that perception creates future reality.
We are all susceptible to the whims of life, but perspective makes all the difference.
Back on September 7th I tore my hamstring. It was the worst of tears—Grade 3—and two days later the back of my leg was completely black. I had the same injury three years prior and it crushed me both mentally and physically. When it happened, everything went dark. I was upset with myself and entered into a mentality of self-blame and self-defeating behaviors. How could I be so stupid? Why do I always get injured?
I was mad at myself. And began to sulk. On the outside I tried to show I was ok. I made posts on social media joking about my crutches as my new ride. But inside, I was a mess and frustrated.
The next day, I woke up, took a hard look in the mirror, and said the negativity had to end. I decided that in the bad times there is always an opportunity to become stronger and better.
I made a list of 5 goals. If this injury was going to slow me down, then I was going to use it as an excuse to speed up the rest of my life.
That same day I started by not allowing my injury to impede my normal life. I went to a football game on crutches and had a blast.
My list of 5 goals included:
- More soft tissue work and focus on movement patterns, mobility, and stability
- More research to helping people deal with common aches and pains
- Open a new coaching group that would help people achieve their goals despite their fears
- Focus on weaknesses that caused my injury (my core was a big issue)
- Rack deadlift 500 pounds
Make Your List
The goals might seem somewhat disparate, but they all were areas that became important to me in that moment, and from that injury they were opportunities I needed to address.
If I wanted to get back to where I was, I needed to swallow my pride and invest in my recovery. Here’s how each had a targeted payoff.
1) I couldn’t try to fix my injury all by myself, so I invested in body work and help so I wouldn’t be my own worst enemy. And I considered everything from how I sit, to the warmup I do before training.
2) If I wanted my recovery to be about more than me, I needed to help other people more. What good is me complaining about my injury if I can’t help others prevent their own? (It’s why I’ll soon be publishing a free series on how to protect your body)
3) In my own sorrow because of the injury, I found myself in a place where so many have been: Believing that there is no hope for improved fitness. That’s a dark and frustrating place. So I created the “Finish Strong” group and for the last 3 months I’ve dedicated my time to helping 30 individuals change their life and end the year in great shape so they can start 2014 feeling good instead of frustrated.
4) My injury wasn’t an accident. So I shouldn’t treat it like one. That’s why I committed to the boring aspects of training.
5) The 500 pounds? That was just a goal. I haven’t pulled 500 pounds in a while—from the rack or the floor. My training goals have been different. And yet, for me, pulling 500 pounds in any way is an accomplishment. Doing it after a bad injury? It’s something bigger.
It’s a sign that when bad things happen your response isn’t just about getting back to where you were. If you choose it, the bad can be used to make you even better.
So the “Pull 500 pounds” was “proof” to myself that good can come from bad. You just have to chart the course.
Turning Bad into Good
As you approach the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014 it’s a chance to consider what you can learn from the negative. This is not about you being bad. It’s about learning how to become better.
Oftentimes we look at what went wrong and process the information incorrectly.
Did you struggle to lose weight? Maybe your body is meant to look this way
Not get the raise you wanted? My boss had it in for me
Feeling run down and stressed? This is just the way life is. I’ll deal with it.
These are all self-limiting beliefs.
Every frustration in life is an opportunity to assess what you can do differently to improve. It’s that rare opportunity when life makes it blatantly clear that something is wrong. And maybe you’re not the primary cause of the problem.
But you should always be the primary solution.
Bad things happen in life. It’s inevitable.
Bad things are also temporary—if you choose to make it that way.
This weekend I pulled my 500 pounds.
And now, I want you to pull whatever it is that will lead you in the direction you want. Or if a friend needs to create that shift, feel free to forward them this message so they too can believe that bad times are never as dark as they appear.